Friday, December 23, 2011

The First Gift

Mothers should get the gifts on birthdays.
God, a noted theologian didn't just beam Jesus on to Earth.
Mary had to give up her body- Here am give birth.
Mary fed, changed diapers, clothed and taught Jesus and her other children the laws and to love and be loved.
And then after all her giving to the child she has to give him up to the world and here him deny her.Who is my Mother? And watch him be denied, do miracles, make mistakes and suffer.
Meek and mild?
I'm enjoying my 12 days of Christmas gift exchange with Byhand artists . You can follow that over at Rainbow Weaves.
I made 12 gifts and sent them off and for 12 days I get to open a different gift- each one precious and special and hand made for me. I don't want it to end.
Starting today I am going to open each day as a gift, precious and made just for me.
And each day I will be a gift and give of myself to  others. Just because.
Because of the first gift. The gift of Life.
Quakers claim to believe all days are equally holy.
Lets do it.
Thanks for reading, comments and giving.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Avent and Miracles

Living simply in the midst of over abundant consumption and hording is an active dance.
Longing is a close friend. I think she is ok. Jealousy is a near enemy. I would like to ask him to take a long walk over a short bridge.
This season of Avent is full of longing. It's easy to live with longing when we know the outcome is joyous, even if it involves Faith, Death, Resurrection - if you have the Faith part- and a birth that brings us on the way of Truth and Light.

Sometimes when I lie awake I count my longings.

I long for the Church that welcomes me just as I am, that I can walk to and that worships in open silence without denominational limitations.

The Miracle- last Sunday, at the continuing Church- that I can walk to- Montreat PC USA, the Pastor explained we were going to do something different- A period of silence- I sat in silence and tears of Joy.

I long for a partner; someone to live with me and share my joys and sorrows, chores and play, words and silence. My spiritual director says living alone is a gift. I would like to return it.
Today, I am feeling there is someone longing for me and tho we are apart, it is enough, knowing that we a long for each other.

The Miracle- a friend of my daughters has come to stay a few days a week while she is in massage school in Asheville. She comes in and says, Hi, I'm home, we have a meal together and she gives me a massage!

This season of Advent, and all longing seasons are opportunities to prepare, opportunities to practice expectant waiting,  opportunities to work on our listening and observation skills.

Be Ready.
Be Willing to let go of your longing.
Be Still and open to know when you hearts desire is right in front of you.
Remember to say Thank You early and often.
Hold those presents to open on Christmas morning and enjoy your longing.

Thanks for reading and your comments.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Faith and Acceptance

I lot of thing I know, with my mind, intellectually.
A lot of things I don't.
A watermelon seed turns into a watermelon. I know when to plant it in May, and how to water it, pick off bugs and give it lots of compost. I know seeds divide and all that and still, it is beyond my understanding how I get the intense pleasure of sweet juicy watermelon in August.
I can choose to live my life by this same Faith.
Faith is the opposite of fear in my life.
When I don't know what to do, I have faith that if I do , do what I know, the path to my highest good will be before me.
Faith is comfort sometimes refuge, sometimes safe sometimes risky. So it goes.
The more I let go of control the more I am free to enjoy my watermelon on a warm summer day.
Acceptance implies willingness to listen and be open.
To be willing to hold to my Faith in the midst of unbelief- that outwardly may seem more "factual" than what I inwardly know to be Truth.
This includes acceptance of myself.
Treating myself with loving kindness for past mistakes and perceived shortcomings.
The more I let go the the need to be right, judgmental, the more I am free to be me and enjoy others just as they are.
Breathing and meditation help alot.

Thanks for reading, your comments and for Faith and Acceptance.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Call me when you get it

I have nothing to fear from the events of my life.
I will continue to experience times of joy, sorrow, rest and great change.
If I let go of struggle to change outer conditions, to make things different than they are, I will not struggle.
TRUTH-Everything that rises up passes away.
              No outer condition is forever.
Letting go of judgement and blame will lead me in a path of peace, harmony and freedom.

I'll call you when I get it.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Less is more

Letting go is more an act of courage than defeat. It is a witness to faith and confidence more than failure.
All you need to release...
notice it as it is....
People, places, situations, tension, stress....
We can live with them without letting them attach their negative energy to us.
Our bodies want to help us with this.
Just as our lungs and heart take in the old dirty air and blood, and transform them into nourishing breath and blood, so does our spiritual body---lung and heart--- breathe in all of our pain and suffering and breathe out love and compassion.
And with each breathe, our spiritual hearts grow. 

And continuing the mystery, this healing breath brings Happiness, Peace, safety, wellness and
 Freedom, to each of us and all beings....

All in One.

Freeing my mind and body of the need to control, I have room for all the blessings I pray to receive.
Room at the Inn.

If you need a hand in letting go- leave me a comment and I will pray with you-and then let it go.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

What can I do?

"There was nothing she could do,and there was always the next thing to be done."
Ursula K. LeGuin.

When all you have has been taken from you
When all you have professed to believe seems false,irrelevant and unimportant
When you see what you love most broken and dying
When your children are grown and gone to this world of war to be the warriors and peacemakers they are called to be
What can you do?
What can I do?
Do what comes next.
Welcome what/who comes next with patience and curiosity.
Do what you can.
Want what you have.
Be who you are.
Pray for Oneness. Balance.
Get as much color on the canvas as you can.
Take a Nap.
Laugh a lot- tell funnier jokes!
Tell everyone you Love them.

Thanks for reading and leaving a comment. We'll see what comes next.

Monday, July 11, 2011

The Red Sea

You are standing in front of the Red Sea, with the Egyptian Army at your back.
Two choices, neither look good.
You've run through choice -0- do nothing- it's drown or be slaughtered.
I've been there- a choice has to be made.

I've recently faced some worse case scenarios and amazingly, the outcomes and consequences were more positive than negative.

I was on my way to look at buying a new car and the old car totally died right in the middle of a busy intersection. I was able to coast into a parking space( a miracle in itself that there was a space), was transported (friends-thank you God) to the car dealer and they had  a car that fit me, they towed the old car and gave me trade in $$$ for it-so far so good.

I swam with sharks, I flowed as water over rocks. I did what needed to be done.

I'm feeling I have spent my entire life learning how to choose to do what I am called to do.

Being right(and righteous) has nothing to do with it.
Someone has to get that foot into the sea for the waters to part.

It's all in the book.
When we walk with Jesus in one hand and God(ess) in the other (feel free to insert your own way showers) on the middle path, take one step- hey it's pretty good_ then another- if you're not sure about the next step, hang out for a while and meditate on it. Hold out your basket and Manna falls from the sky and water flows from the earth.
It's all here, when we are fully here.
Walking humbly  in Faith rather than fear.

It's a whole lot easier hand in hand.
I'm here if you need a hand- I have two- and two shoulders to lean on, and two ears to listen.

Thanks for your comments.

Monday, June 27, 2011


In the middle of  a long retreat, my teacher gave me the practice of greeting all beings with loving kindness.
No biggie, I thought. I'm in the middle of a silent retreat with no eye contact.
Guess again.
The very next person to cross my path,was a woman I have huge difficulty with. Even without  eye contact she came directly into my consciousness and my first reaction was, well, lets say not so useful.
I did all I could to just be with this woman as a being, who also wants to be happy, and sent her loving kindness.
Not so easy.
Shortly after the end of the retreat, she came and sat with me at lunch. She, with out much intro, asked my forgiveness for any harm she had caused me.[(inwardly) WOW!]

I live in a small town, and the culture is to take time to howdy . I often spend several minutes chatting up store clerks. We are not really friends, yet we know each other in a casual way.
One woman in particular I've sensed is seeking a spiritual life and I always make a point of speaking( and listening) with her.  I saw her in a parking lot the other day, and in need of of hug myself went to hug her. She pulled back a bit and said-" I'm sorry I'm smoking a cigarette." I reached out, smiled and hugged her and said
"I love you just the way you are"
Few days later she left me a card.
"What a blessing it was to see answer to a prayer!
I was chattting wit the Lord and I asked Him for people to accept me and love me for who I am-flaws and all. Whenyou told me tyou love me for me- WOW!
I don't need any more proof than that to know He is working in even the smallest of things."

"Who so ever welcomes you, welcomes me and whoever welcomes me welcome the one who sent me."
Matthew 10:40

We are all called to welcome and to send out welcome and loving kindness to all beings.
Keep practicing.
It gets easier.

Monday, June 13, 2011

Oh Ye of Little Faith

Can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life?...Matthew 6:27
My oldest son is a Hotshot wildfire fighter. I believe he is in the Arizona fires. he doesn't tell me where he is going, or call me when he is back safely to base.
In all my years in this life, never, never, never has worrying done me or anyone else- to my knowledge- any good .
So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today's trouble is enough for today. 6:34
We are all , in are own way, in harms way. And we are all protected through no effort of our own.
My prayer is to bring as much kindness as I can to myself and to all beings.
This takes practice.
I am not going to practice worrying. I've got that one down.

To the Holy Spirit
Oh thou
Far off and here
Whole and Broken.
Who in necessity and in bounty wait.
Who's truth is Light and dark
Mute tho spoken.
By thy wide Grace.
Show me the Narrow gate.

Wendell Berry

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Prayer for the Day

Though the war, responsibilities, distractions compete for my attention, I am blessed with focus.
My mind and heart have space for peace, stillness and silence.

I can infuse activity with stillness.

I can spiritually touch the robe of the One Who is always with me, Who is peace and brings healing and Light to all.

I can take a moment to enter the Prophet Stream of Goodness and Peace at any time.

Thank You very much.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Each One is Best

As a young pre-teen I loved sports. they came easy to me, I was good at throwing and catching and running and I liked being part of a team. I loved using my body and playing the game.
Teammates criticized me for not caring about winning. I had no words for this then, and I did care, I just didn't think winning was better than losing.

I tried to create non- competitive games for my own and neighborhood children, and was told that they weren't fun. We had to keep score and the highest score is what matters. The whole point of tennis is to get the ball over the net one more time than your opponent. I had to learn to keep my mouth shut, watch and never say anything like, "It's only a game".
I was trained in school and culture to measure my own worth in it's relation to others.
Even my art. My drawings had to be Better than anyone elses for them to be good.
My weaving and cooking had to be saleable- for a lot of money- for it to be considered professional worthwhile.

I became critical of myself and my creativity. I was judgmental of others and myself and found less enjoyment in team work.
I was the only one who could do it right.
I lost trust and faith in my own knowing.
I wanted to prove how good I was.
I started to draw and cook and weave the way I thought others wanted so they would like me.
I forgot how much I like myself and how much fun it is to just make things.
How much fun it is to just use my body.
How much fun it is to just be.


Lots of sitting meditation.
Lots of walking meditation.
Lots of prayer.
Lots, lots, lots of letting go.
Lots of creative active meditation.
Humbling myself to teachers.

I now feel the most important thing is to encourage other people to be creative.
Not to make people like me, or to train others to do things the way I do them, and for each person to nurture their inner creativity and find the place where it meets the outer- and just make and be.
No matter what the outcome looks like.
Each one , each outcome, each product is Best.

There are no directions or recipes for this way of learning. You have to look at and be with whatever you are doing and dream up what comes next.
With a little help from your friends, the prophetic stream and some days a little random luck.
I have no interest in training people to do what they are told.

Followers make me uneasy.
Part of my job as a teacher is to work myself out of the job.
If I am indispensable, and the only one who can do something right-how can i be free. Someone is always asking me how to do this or that. Needing me-cuts into hammock time.
I only get asked stupid questions when Idon't trust others to know the answers.

What I want people to learn from my teaching, from the silent space I create, from my being is to trust themselves and to take responsibility to trust and to act apon their own knowledge and trust, with Divine assistance that is always there for us all.

It's important ,to get over, that ,this freedom of thought does not make you Right.
It does not stop others from judging you, or your work, or help you to get picked for the right team.

I came to North Carolina to be close to my daughter and to run a silent retreat center.
My daughter is in Chile and I am working retail and teaching in public almost everyday praying that I am kind to every being I meet.
I wanted something different, and this is what I have now and I am grateful and happy to be here now.

Some days I complain about being lonely. In over 5 years no one person has shown any interest in me as a "date".

Suzuki Roshi said,"Enlightenment is not something you can make a date with. If you organize your life, get up at a certain time, take your bag lunch and go to work, will meet that person with out any date."

I hear the mountains laughing at me. We have a date every morning and every evening as I give thanks for their presence. Their steadfast love for me just as I am.

Each One is Best--Pass it on.

Please leave a comment.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Kindness and Equanimity

Yesterday, as people do, a friend asked, "Is there anything I can do for you?"
"Be kind to people" popped into my mind, and I didn't say it as I thought it might sound flip.
The more I practice mindfulness, and living in the silent prophetic stream, the clearer it is that all I want to do is be kind.
Some days, that might mean I should not lift my butt off of the cushion, not to mention my mouth.
Some days, i can be totally out there and smile and nod and listen and speak only the kindest of words.
My prayer is only to speak words of kindness.
Words that help and heal.
Words that are timely that people, all beings are ready to hear.
Words that are Truth.
Yes, I have rage and anger and meanness that I need to express, and that can be sent into the Universe that is ready and willing to take in all of that pain and transform it into Love and Kindness.
And on the best of days I can do the same.
Inhale pain
Exhale Love and Kindness.
Love, hate, fear, joy, anger, ecstasy, boredom, are all emotions, nothing more nothing less.
Living in states of emotions is a roller coaster ride of ups and downs, highs and lows.
Living in the mansion of equanimity is peaceful, free, safe and healthy.
Practice. The present moment.
I'll call you when I get there.
Please leave a comment.
*The Three Goals*
 The first goal is to see the thing itself
in and for itself, to see it simply and clearly
for what it is.
        No symbolism, please.
The second goal is to see each individual thing
as unified, as one, with all the other
ten thousand things.
        In this regard, a little wine helps a lot.
The third goal is to grasp the first and the second goals,
to see the universal and the particular,
        Regarding this one, call me when you get it.
 David Budbill

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Resurrection Reflection

Resurrection is the raising up of all of us;the awakening, reawakening and raising of our spiritual consciousness. The I AM. The ALL ONE.

"I came that they may have life, and may have it abundantly."
Can we clam this for ourselves and each other?

Each time we rise to the knowing of ONEness with the eternal, with the Christ, in and around us, resurrection is taking place.
All limitation is left behind and we are filled with abundant Light.

Today and this year I want only to filled with Light, Light that illuminates my mind, body and heart as I continually rise in the majesty of my divine personhood and know myself to be a child of God(ess) and Good and Peace and Freedom.

Please leave a comment of your own reflections

Blessings to all as we Rise.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Walk in the Light

“Jesus said to them,

‘The light is with you for a little longer. Walk while you have the light, so that the darkness may not overtake you. If you walk in the darkness, you do not know where you are going. While you have the light, believe in the light, so that you may become children of light.’”

- John 12:35-36

Sunday, April 17, 2011

What I can do

I care deeply for the world and all beings in it and though I feel a longing to help others, the need of this world is overwhelming, even if i knew what to do to help.
What I can do is pray.
I can hold Love, Peace, Wellness, Safety, Happiness, Freedom, in my heart for myself and all beings.
Prayer heals and readies me to meet everyone with compassion and loving kindness regardless of outward situation and need.
Prayer fills me with knowing we are all one.
Prayer allows me, as I sit quietly to let go with confidence that I am doing what I can do and that is enough.
Prayer frees me from fear and feelings of separation from God.
Prayer and silence clear my mind of uncertainly about what I can do and divinely guides and inspires me to do what I can do, be who i am and want what I have.
Keeping Peace and Love alive and present in my heart is what I can do to save this world.
Please join me.
Leave a comment.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Praying for and with the Earth


Each time I forgive my heart opens.
It is impossible to pray for one without praying for all.
Every time one heart is lifted, one life is blessed, all are lifted and blessed.
In silence, in the presence of God and spirit I know the Truth.
I pray for all, in danger, in need of Love and Faith.
In silence my heart is free of everything but Love and the heart of the world becomes more loving.
When I rest in stillness and silence I help every lost, hurt and confused being to find peace and love and safety.
Thank You very much.
Then they were glad because they had quiet.
and He had brought them to their desired haven. Psalm 107:30

and with words of Mary Oliver

When I Am Among the Trees

by Mary Oliver

When I am among the trees,

especially the willows and the honey locust,

equally the beech, the oaks and the pines,

they give off such hints of gladness.

I would almost say that they save me, and daily.

I am so distant from the hope of myself

in which I have goodness, and discernment,

and never hurry through the world

but walk slowly, and bow often.

Around me the trees stir in their leaves

and call out, “Stay awhile.”

The light flows from their branches.

And they call again, “It’s simple,” they say,

“and you too have come

into the world to do this, to go easy, to be filled

with light, and to shine.”

Monday, March 7, 2011

Living the monastic life in the material world

Have you read any of the Joshua books by Joseph F. Girzone? In each book, Jesus/Joshua comes into a modern day situation and , well, he does what Jesus would do. He magically appears, loves unconditionally,lives and speaks simply, works selflessly, cares for the poor.
Some of the characters in each book love and welcome Him, some scorn, and guess what- try to kill Him.
Nothing much has changed in 2011 years.
I have made the decision, for now, to live a life of prayer, to live as close to God and Spirit as I can, and live in a world where this doesn't make sense to most people.
Money and it's gospel of materialism is a cold hearted God.

Each morning I wake and say
Thank you
I will do no harm
I will meet every being with Love and Compassion
I am willing to serve and be served.
Thank you.
When I live, act, operate, speak, from this place of worship in everyday life, many ( even most)people think I am strange. Some hate and fell threatened by me -little me, which I find surprising( well not really if you read the above) and sad.

And I can be no other way.

Sometimes I am lonely, and never alone.

I can close my eyes and feel God's love in and around me- even just typing that brings a huge smile to each cell of my body.

And these mountains- Thank You God for these mountains. I couldn't ask for a better teacher or friend.

The Gift-most of the time I am alone up here, with these mountains and I am free to spend my time with God and the Spirit.Thank You.
Not only does God give me everything, for which I do nothing, except be who I am- living my life - that God gave me of Love and prayer-God trusts me unconditionally to be the caretaker of this amazing creation.
God invites me to co- create with her- little me-
God invites me, every day to come out and play.
You are invited too.
Leave a comment.
Share your stories of living the Life in the world.
I'm just a comment away from support and if you need prayer- you can leave that in a comment too.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011


“The question should not be ‘What would Jesus do?’ but rather, more dangerously, ‘What would Jesus have me do?’ The onus is not on Jesus but on us, for Jesus did not come to ask semidivine human beings to do impossible things. He came to ask human beings to live up to their full humanity; he wants us to live in the full implication of... our human gifts, and that is far more demanding.”
Peter J. Gomes
I honesty don't know what Jesus said.
I believe he,she and everyone in between, in the prophetic stream says,
Do what you can
Want what you have
Be who you are.

and one of the most important things the Life of Jesus teaches me, is even if you are the son of God, some folks will want to kill you.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Silence in the Presence

After the mind is in some measure turned to the Lord, his quickenings felt, his seed beginning to arise and spring up in the heart, then the flesh is to be silent before him, and the soul to wait upon him (and for his further appearings) in that measure of life which is already revealed. Now, this is a great thing to know flesh silenced, to find the reasoning thoughts and discourses of the fleshly mind stilled, and the wisdom, light, and goodness of God's Spirit waited for. For man is to come from the poverty of self, into the abasedness, into the nothingness, into the silence of his spirit before the Lord, into the putting off of all his knowledge—wisdom—understanding, abilities, all that he hath done or can do, out of this measure of life into which he is to travel, that he may be clothed and filled with the nature, Spirit, and power of the Lord.

Isaac Penington

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Art Sancturary

Art Sanctuary

by Nikki Giovanni

I would always choose to be the person running
rather than the mob chasing
I would prefer to be the person laughed at
rather than the teenagers laughing
I always admired the men and women who sat down
for their rights
And held in disdain the men and women who spat
on them
Everyone deserves Sanctuary a place to go where you are
Art offers Sanctuary to everyone willing
to open their hearts as well as their eyes

"Art Sanctuary" by Nikki Giovanni, from Quilting the Black-Eyed Pea.

Monday, January 31, 2011

Matthew 8:20, Luke 9:58, Robyn 1:30

The fox has the den and the bird has her nest and this child of God has no place to lay her head.

I worshiped yesterday with the Grace Covenant Presbyterian Church in Asheville.Thank you Nan for inviting me, transporting me, guiding me in the cultural mores, and to all in the congregation who welcomed me.

"Trusting that God's grace embraces and makes covenant with all believers, Grace Covenant intends to be an inclusive place of spiritual growth for all people, All person are welcomed into this fellowship and membership regardless of age, sexual orientation, gender, ethnic or radical identity, economic or educational status, or political affiliation."

Yes, and the choir was excellent and the organist lively, and there was almost a minute of silent prayer.
The bulletin states -Ministers- All the Members-
The front lawn has a vegetable garden
there was much announcement of social action opportunities.
Everyone smiled at me, shook my hand, said they were glad I was here and hoped to see me again.
I believe them.
I sensed the comfort of community spoken creed and intercessory prayer.
I enjoyed my time there and felt God's presence, as i always do when gathered in worship.

I'm feeling the God/ Spirit who's Grace and Love and Compassion are the foundation of the Covenant of my heart speaks to all of us in the silence.
speaks to each of us the exact words we need to hear, in a language that passes beyond words and mental comprehension.

when you are listening, the Spirit speaks to all, born and unborn, known and unknown, seekers and flee-ers, those I love and desire and those that scare me to death.
Yes, we all need to be saved,and that safety cannot be contained in any book or belong to any one religion, culture, creed, species or language.

The sin we are suffering from is separation from God/Spirit.
Relationship requires hanging out with other beings- giving, taking, loving, forgiving, sometimes hurting, healing laughing, crying and sitting in worship with the universal One that unites us all.
The more I love, the more i practice compassion for all beings, the more I see there is no limit to how big my heart can grow, no limit to what the heart can hold.
I'm feeling the emptier and quieter the head, the fuller the heart.
I'm going to shut up now and go meditate on this awhile.
I hope you will join me.
Please leave a comment.