Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Waiting.... Quvah

We all want to be liked. To be chosen.

The voices in my head who love me so much and want me to be safe, tell me-"you can't do that, don't risk it, if you put yourself out there you will be hurt."

I'm listening to these voices, who have chosen me, and learning to tell them back, "thanks, that's one way of looking at life, now you go take a walk."

I've put myself out there. I have taken the risk.
I have listened to other voices who love me, I have done the work, done the writing, done the editing, listened, learned, prayed, discerned, prayed.

And, thank you very much, I am loved and chosen.
I'm pre-approved!
Our Father, the Great Mother, the Holy Spirit all chose me to be their beloved child, just like Jesus, no more, no less, just loved.
And, thank you very much, they know my hearts desire and want me to have it.
Surrender, obedience and faithfulness deliver it into my inbox.

And there are the times of waiting.

I've asked to be chosen and I've done the work and now I have to wait to see the outcome.
I can:

  • worry
  • try to influence the outcome
  • stress about the outcome
  • berate myself for not doing enough to influence the outcome
  • etc, etc, etc, ad nauseum.

Or I can wait.
I learned just today, the hebrew word for wait, quvah can also mean "bind".
So we can do all of the above, or choose to bind ourselves into a time of waiting. Ply ourselves into a time of oneness with the other waiting threads.
Plying takes single, unstable strands and binds them into strong useful rope we can depend on to hold us together.

Thanks to all waiting with me, friends on earth and friends above.

Prayer requests comments and questions always welcomed.

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Humility and loneliness

Be kind and tell the truth.
Simple words to live by and so many different paths to choose from, it's not simple at all.

I've been trying to write   writing  a 3-6 page paper on a call I feel strongly in my heart. I've been living the call on my own, and a positive outcome of the writing could will lead to communal and outward sharing of the call- all good!

Still I'm wracked with self doubt and fear of expressing my gifts- yes dear blog friends who I feel so comfortable with- I have many gifts- and my hearts desire is to share them with as many folks as possible, now, while I am still strong and healthy enough to do so with energy and joy.

( my mind speaking)Who was going to be reading this? Unknown people on a selection committee- they were going to judge me! and they might not pick me. How do I write what they want to hear when I don't even know  who they are? If I don't tell anyone, then I won't feel as bad if I don't get selected, or even called to interview.)

My writing was stiff and unfolding, till I got the courage up to call my support folks and tell them what was going on.
Suddenly I was no longer alone.

With the help of my friends I was able to ask my well meaning and overly protective judgmental mind to take a walk.

I'm writing to God, Goddess, Jesus, the Holy Spirit and They are all rejoicing in my willingness and faithfulness to spend the time, with them ,working through me, to clarify and express my call.
Everyone I am writing to loves me and wants for me what is my hearts desire and
*******Wonder of Wonders******
They gave me the gifts in the first place and rejoice in my using them!

Bill Tabor urged us at Pendle Hill to ring the bell anytime we felt filled with the Spirit.
I don't think anyone ever did.
Bill began every listening session I had with him by asking,
"Robyn, has thee been faithful?"

Here on my mountain top I am ringing the bell.
I pray you can hear it.

Yes Bill, I am being faithful.

I have prayed, listened , discerned, done the writing, and as soon as my support folks finish editing my words, I am hitting the send button, and as my Grandmother used to say, "kissing it up to God".

Hold me in the Light. I have a lot of work to do.

Prayer requests, comments and questions welcomed.