Saturday, January 18, 2014

Humility and loneliness

Be kind and tell the truth.
Simple words to live by and so many different paths to choose from, it's not simple at all.

I've been trying to write   writing  a 3-6 page paper on a call I feel strongly in my heart. I've been living the call on my own, and a positive outcome of the writing could will lead to communal and outward sharing of the call- all good!

Still I'm wracked with self doubt and fear of expressing my gifts- yes dear blog friends who I feel so comfortable with- I have many gifts- and my hearts desire is to share them with as many folks as possible, now, while I am still strong and healthy enough to do so with energy and joy.

( my mind speaking)Who was going to be reading this? Unknown people on a selection committee- they were going to judge me! and they might not pick me. How do I write what they want to hear when I don't even know  who they are? If I don't tell anyone, then I won't feel as bad if I don't get selected, or even called to interview.)

My writing was stiff and unfolding, till I got the courage up to call my support folks and tell them what was going on.
Suddenly I was no longer alone.

With the help of my friends I was able to ask my well meaning and overly protective judgmental mind to take a walk.

I'm writing to God, Goddess, Jesus, the Holy Spirit and They are all rejoicing in my willingness and faithfulness to spend the time, with them ,working through me, to clarify and express my call.
Everyone I am writing to loves me and wants for me what is my hearts desire and
*******Wonder of Wonders******
They gave me the gifts in the first place and rejoice in my using them!

Bill Tabor urged us at Pendle Hill to ring the bell anytime we felt filled with the Spirit.
I don't think anyone ever did.
Bill began every listening session I had with him by asking,
"Robyn, has thee been faithful?"

Here on my mountain top I am ringing the bell.
I pray you can hear it.

Yes Bill, I am being faithful.

I have prayed, listened , discerned, done the writing, and as soon as my support folks finish editing my words, I am hitting the send button, and as my Grandmother used to say, "kissing it up to God".

Hold me in the Light. I have a lot of work to do.

Prayer requests, comments and questions welcomed.


forrest said...

Person gotta do what a person's gotta do.

Typically that's scary. And then you just do what you're given, & that's enough. That's a very big 'enough'!

Victoria Pearson said...

oh robyn, when we say yes to our gifts, of course the challenge of our self-doubts come rushing in. i know this experimentally, and i also know it faithfully. the path of faithfulness is not easy, and i believe that there are energies and distractions and people who might seek to obscure or derail that faithfulness-- and yes, sometimes that person is ourselves. you are brave and strong and whether or not you know it, you HAVE shared your gifts widely and with purpose, even if that purpose has not been conscious in you. i am so grateful for how you have lead me, and also am grateful to hear of your opening into publicness with more intention and risk. risk it all, for god(ess). risk it all, and She comes rushing in to meet you. blessings on the journey.