As a young pre-teen I loved sports. they came easy to me, I was good at throwing and catching and running and I liked being part of a team. I loved using my body and playing the game.
Teammates criticized me for not caring about winning. I had no words for this then, and I did care, I just didn't think winning was better than losing.
I tried to create non- competitive games for my own and neighborhood children, and was told that they weren't fun. We had to keep score and the highest score is what matters. The whole point of tennis is to get the ball over the net one more time than your opponent. I had to learn to keep my mouth shut, watch and never say anything like, "It's only a game".
I was trained in school and culture to measure my own worth in it's relation to others.
Even my art. My drawings had to be Better than anyone elses for them to be good.
My weaving and cooking had to be saleable- for a lot of money- for it to be considered professional worthwhile.
I became critical of myself and my creativity. I was judgmental of others and myself and found less enjoyment in team work.
I was the only one who could do it right.
I lost trust and faith in my own knowing.
I wanted to prove how good I was.
I started to draw and cook and weave the way I thought others wanted so they would like me.
I forgot how much I like myself and how much fun it is to just make things.
How much fun it is to just use my body.
How much fun it is to just be.
Lots of sitting meditation.
Lots of walking meditation.
Lots of prayer.
Lots, lots, lots of letting go.
Lots of creative active meditation.
Humbling myself to teachers.
I now feel the most important thing is to encourage other people to be creative.
Not to make people like me, or to train others to do things the way I do them, and for each person to nurture their inner creativity and find the place where it meets the outer- and just make and be.
No matter what the outcome looks like.
Each one , each outcome, each product is Best.
There are no directions or recipes for this way of learning. You have to look at and be with whatever you are doing and dream up what comes next.
With a little help from your friends, the prophetic stream and some days a little random luck.
I have no interest in training people to do what they are told.
Followers make me uneasy.
Part of my job as a teacher is to work myself out of the job.
If I am indispensable, and the only one who can do something right-how can i be free. Someone is always asking me how to do this or that. Needing me-cuts into hammock time.
I only get asked stupid questions when Idon't trust others to know the answers.
What I want people to learn from my teaching, from the silent space I create, from my being is to trust themselves and to take responsibility to trust and to act apon their own knowledge and trust, with Divine assistance that is always there for us all.
It's important ,to get over, that ,this freedom of thought does not make you Right.
It does not stop others from judging you, or your work, or help you to get picked for the right team.
I came to North Carolina to be close to my daughter and to run a silent retreat center.
My daughter is in Chile and I am working retail and teaching in public almost everyday praying that I am kind to every being I meet.
I wanted something different, and this is what I have now and I am grateful and happy to be here now.
Some days I complain about being lonely. In over 5 years no one person has shown any interest in me as a "date".
Suzuki Roshi said,"Enlightenment is not something you can make a date with. If you organize your life, get up at a certain time, take your bag lunch and go to work, then....you will meet that person with out any date."
I hear the mountains laughing at me. We have a date every morning and every evening as I give thanks for their presence. Their steadfast love for me just as I am.
Each One is Best--Pass it on.
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