Spent a long day practicing resilience within a faith community I belong to.
I felt and noticed emotions all over the map.
For ecological sensitivity I put myself in a car with 3 others I thought I didn't want to be with, with wise council from my spiritual friend who advised- just take a nap.
The Mountains were too lovely for that-and what happened was they sent me right back to school.
I don't or won't remember much, as I was so unhappy in school-a caged bird.
Most vividly I remember sitting as still as I could- not as still as they wanted me to, and staring alternately out the window and at the hands of the clock ticking the minutes away.
My day dreams were so deep, when they called me I not only didn't know what the answer to the question was, I wasn't even sure where I was.
For these few house, I was taught by the trees. The lessons of the forest.
I did not feel called to be with the small group normalizing abusive behaviors and bullshit in the name of various isms.
I am grateful to have been of service to The Spirit and the small group doing spirit led work, affirming how the spirit twas working among us, with us, using our skills to create movement in all directions for our community.
This time was easy, joyful and fruitful. The agenda was long and it went quickly. We held each other and were held.
Being called into the other room, after about 30 words, I went to find refuge in what I knew to be true.
The Holy spirit, the Great Mother, that which is whole and Holy one.
My spiritual friend had sent me a text I looked at frequently.
"Stay close to the Holy spirit as if your life depended on it🔥"
People were demanding, people were talking a lot, people were saying they were experts and professionals.
Again I found my self back in school. I can't remember their names, and I was seeing some faces-faces with looks of disappointment in me, that I didn't or wouldn't do the work they wanted me to do, and also encouragement that I was capable of it, and even beyond.
Even tho I didn't do what they were required to demand of me, some of those teachers didn't give up on me. Never gave me a failing grade.
I went to this gathering thinking(code word) it would help me make a decision if I should leave it or stay. It has appeared that is not the question.
I bless my intellect and give thanks for all the insights it provides and I am fine with the limits of intellectual understanding.
All that is good, all that is fair, all that is equitable comes form spiritual discernment.
Part of prayer is letting God be God in me.
Attending the wisdom that comes and trusting and accepting that wisdom.
I'm not entering the suffering's Olympics!
I'm gonna keep on hanging out with the spirit, practicing and enlarging my resilient zone, remembering and making peace with that, knowing refuge is there whenever I need it
and doing what I am called to do when I am called to do.
I am going to be a true radical- from the roots- and in full knowledge of what is, I am going to be happy.
Who is going with me? I'll keep curious and open about that.