What can I do?

"There was nothing she could do,and there was always the next thing to be done."
Ursula K. LeGuin.

When all you have has been taken from you
When all you have professed to believe seems false,irrelevant and unimportant
When you see what you love most broken and dying
When your children are grown and gone to this world of war to be the warriors and peacemakers they are called to be
What can you do?
What can I do?
Do what comes next.
Welcome what/who comes next with patience and curiosity.
Do what you can.
Want what you have.
Be who you are.
Pray for Oneness. Balance.
Breathe.
Get as much color on the canvas as you can.
Take a Nap.
Laugh a lot- tell funnier jokes!
Tell everyone you Love them.

Thanks for reading and leaving a comment. We'll see what comes next.

The Red Sea

You are standing in front of the Red Sea, with the Egyptian Army at your back.
Two choices, neither look good.
You've run through choice -0- do nothing- it's drown or be slaughtered.
I've been there- a choice has to be made.

I've recently faced some worse case scenarios and amazingly, the outcomes and consequences were more positive than negative.

I was on my way to look at buying a new car and the old car totally died right in the middle of a busy intersection. I was able to coast into a parking space( a miracle in itself that there was a space), was transported (friends-thank you God) to the car dealer and they had  a car that fit me, they towed the old car and gave me trade in $$$ for it-so far so good.

I swam with sharks, I flowed as water over rocks. I did what needed to be done.

I'm feeling I have spent my entire life learning how to choose to do what I am called to do.

Being right(and righteous) has nothing to do with it.
Someone has to get that foot into the sea for the waters to part.

It's all in the book.
When we walk with Jesus in one hand and God(ess) in the other (feel free to insert your own way showers) on the middle path, take one step- hey it's pretty good_ then another- if you're not sure about the next step, hang out for a while and meditate on it. Hold out your basket and Manna falls from the sky and water flows from the earth.
It's all here, when we are fully here.
Grace.
Walking humbly  in Faith rather than fear.

It's a whole lot easier hand in hand.
I'm here if you need a hand- I have two- and two shoulders to lean on, and two ears to listen.

Thanks for your comments.

Welcome,Kindness

In the middle of  a long retreat, my teacher gave me the practice of greeting all beings with loving kindness.
No biggie, I thought. I'm in the middle of a silent retreat with no eye contact.
Guess again.
The very next person to cross my path,was a woman I have huge difficulty with. Even without  eye contact she came directly into my consciousness and my first reaction was, well, lets say not so useful.
I did all I could to just be with this woman as a being, who also wants to be happy, and sent her loving kindness.
Not so easy.
Practice.
Shortly after the end of the retreat, she came and sat with me at lunch. She, with out much intro, asked my forgiveness for any harm she had caused me.[(inwardly) WOW!]

I live in a small town, and the culture is to take time to howdy . I often spend several minutes chatting up store clerks. We are not really friends, yet we know each other in a casual way.
One woman in particular I've sensed is seeking a spiritual life and I always make a point of speaking( and listening) with her.  I saw her in a parking lot the other day, and in need of of hug myself went to hug her. She pulled back a bit and said-" I'm sorry I'm smoking a cigarette." I reached out, smiled and hugged her and said
"I love you just the way you are"
Few days later she left me a card.
"What a blessing it was to see you...an answer to a prayer!
I was chattting wit the Lord and I asked Him for people to accept me and love me for who I am-flaws and all. Whenyou told me tyou love me for me- WOW!
I don't need any more proof than that to know He is working in even the smallest of things."
Small?

"Who so ever welcomes you, welcomes me and whoever welcomes me welcome the one who sent me."
Matthew 10:40

We are all called to welcome and to send out welcome and loving kindness to all beings.
Keep practicing.
It gets easier.

Oh Ye of Little Faith

Can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life?...Matthew 6:27
My oldest son is a Hotshot wildfire fighter. I believe he is in the Arizona fires. he doesn't tell me where he is going, or call me when he is back safely to base.
In all my years in this life, never, never, never has worrying done me or anyone else- to my knowledge- any good .
So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today's trouble is enough for today. 6:34
We are all , in are own way, in harms way. And we are all protected through no effort of our own.
My prayer is to bring as much kindness as I can to myself and to all beings.
This takes practice.
I am not going to practice worrying. I've got that one down.

To the Holy Spirit
Oh thou
Far off and here
Whole and Broken.
Who in necessity and in bounty wait.
Who's truth is Light and dark
Mute tho spoken.
By thy wide Grace.
Show me the Narrow gate.

Wendell Berry

Prayer for the Day

Though the war, responsibilities, distractions compete for my attention, I am blessed with focus.
My mind and heart have space for peace, stillness and silence.

I can infuse activity with stillness.

I can spiritually touch the robe of the One Who is always with me, Who is peace and brings healing and Light to all.

I can take a moment to enter the Prophet Stream of Goodness and Peace at any time.

Thank You very much.

Each One is Best

As a young pre-teen I loved sports. they came easy to me, I was good at throwing and catching and running and I liked being part of a team. I loved using my body and playing the game.
Teammates criticized me for not caring about winning. I had no words for this then, and I did care, I just didn't think winning was better than losing.

I tried to create non- competitive games for my own and neighborhood children, and was told that they weren't fun. We had to keep score and the highest score is what matters. The whole point of tennis is to get the ball over the net one more time than your opponent. I had to learn to keep my mouth shut, watch and never say anything like, "It's only a game".
I was trained in school and culture to measure my own worth in it's relation to others.
Even my art. My drawings had to be Better than anyone elses for them to be good.
My weaving and cooking had to be saleable- for a lot of money- for it to be considered professional worthwhile.

I became critical of myself and my creativity. I was judgmental of others and myself and found less enjoyment in team work.
I was the only one who could do it right.
I lost trust and faith in my own knowing.
I wanted to prove how good I was.
I started to draw and cook and weave the way I thought others wanted so they would like me.
I forgot how much I like myself and how much fun it is to just make things.
How much fun it is to just use my body.
How much fun it is to just be.

Pause

Lots of sitting meditation.
Lots of walking meditation.
Lots of prayer.
Lots, lots, lots of letting go.
Lots of creative active meditation.
Humbling myself to teachers.

I now feel the most important thing is to encourage other people to be creative.
Not to make people like me, or to train others to do things the way I do them, and for each person to nurture their inner creativity and find the place where it meets the outer- and just make and be.
No matter what the outcome looks like.
Each one , each outcome, each product is Best.

There are no directions or recipes for this way of learning. You have to look at and be with whatever you are doing and dream up what comes next.
With a little help from your friends, the prophetic stream and some days a little random luck.
I have no interest in training people to do what they are told.

Followers make me uneasy.
Part of my job as a teacher is to work myself out of the job.
If I am indispensable, and the only one who can do something right-how can i be free. Someone is always asking me how to do this or that. Needing me-cuts into hammock time.
I only get asked stupid questions when Idon't trust others to know the answers.

What I want people to learn from my teaching, from the silent space I create, from my being is to trust themselves and to take responsibility to trust and to act apon their own knowledge and trust, with Divine assistance that is always there for us all.

It's important ,to get over, that ,this freedom of thought does not make you Right.
It does not stop others from judging you, or your work, or help you to get picked for the right team.

I came to North Carolina to be close to my daughter and to run a silent retreat center.
My daughter is in Chile and I am working retail and teaching in public almost everyday praying that I am kind to every being I meet.
I wanted something different, and this is what I have now and I am grateful and happy to be here now.

Some days I complain about being lonely. In over 5 years no one person has shown any interest in me as a "date".

Suzuki Roshi said,"Enlightenment is not something you can make a date with. If you organize your life, get up at a certain time, take your bag lunch and go to work, then....you will meet that person with out any date."

I hear the mountains laughing at me. We have a date every morning and every evening as I give thanks for their presence. Their steadfast love for me just as I am.

Each One is Best--Pass it on.

Please leave a comment.

Kindness and Equanimity

Yesterday, as people do, a friend asked, "Is there anything I can do for you?"
"Be kind to people" popped into my mind, and I didn't say it as I thought it might sound flip.
The more I practice mindfulness, and living in the silent prophetic stream, the clearer it is that all I want to do is be kind.
Some days, that might mean I should not lift my butt off of the cushion, not to mention my mouth.
Some days, i can be totally out there and smile and nod and listen and speak only the kindest of words.
My prayer is only to speak words of kindness.
Words that help and heal.
Words that are timely that people, all beings are ready to hear.
Words that are Truth.
Yes, I have rage and anger and meanness that I need to express, and that can be sent into the Universe that is ready and willing to take in all of that pain and transform it into Love and Kindness.
And on the best of days I can do the same.
Inhale pain
Exhale Love and Kindness.
Love, hate, fear, joy, anger, ecstasy, boredom, are all emotions, nothing more nothing less.
Living in states of emotions is a roller coaster ride of ups and downs, highs and lows.
Living in the mansion of equanimity is peaceful, free, safe and healthy.
Practice. The present moment.
I'll call you when I get there.
Please leave a comment.

*The Three Goals*

 The first goal is to see the thing itself

in and for itself, to see it simply and clearly

for what it is.

        No symbolism, please.

The second goal is to see each individual thing

as unified, as one, with all the other

ten thousand things.

        In this regard, a little wine helps a lot.

The third goal is to grasp the first and the second goals,

to see the universal and the particular,

simultaneously.

        Regarding this one, call me when you get it.

 David Budbill